Barsexuality is the new black.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
