I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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