i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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