Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
