Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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