All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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