He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
