How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
