yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
