Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
