Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
