Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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