bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
