He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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