she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
