i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
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