Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize