i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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