I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
