I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
