Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
