I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
