went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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