Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
