She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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