I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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