so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
