Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
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Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize