your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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