My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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