The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
