I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
