I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so let's talk penis.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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