never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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