your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize