Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
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Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
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i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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