i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
