is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
