And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
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It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
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My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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