she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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