Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize