Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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