What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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