let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
