there was a trapeze. enough said
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
