Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
