Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
