my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
