Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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