in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
