is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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