grandma shit on top of the toilet
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Found the puke drawer
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
