I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
