Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm too high and old for this...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
