Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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