Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
