please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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