His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
