Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
