Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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