i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
