I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
