you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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