Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
