I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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