So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm having to shit out rocks
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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