I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
