I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
