when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize