you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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