I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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